"A Cloud Above My Heart"

There is a cloud above my heart and it has been there since this past weekend when I got a call from my friend Judy. She told me our childhood friend Agnes had died. Judy didn't know any details but said she had died on the day before this call. It really hit me hard. Agnes was gone.

Agnes and I got to be friends when I was around eight or nine. She moved into my neighborhood and constantly became a part of the gang of us who were already there. It was not a case of us accepting Agnes. It was a case of her accepting us. That was her personality. She was a dominant soul and went where she wanted, and with whomever she wanted to be with. If you were lucky she wanted to be your friend. If you were unlucky she basically ignored you.

Agnes was not a southern beauty. She had a sister, Virginia, who filled that role. Agnes, however, had a style to her that few others possessed. Still she was cursed with having to wear thick glasses and being a touch overweight. I mention that because Agnes always mentioned that. She would bemoan the glasses and her weight, and she would always say that someday things would be different.

There was a boldness about Agnes I couldn't match. She generally spoke her mind and let the chips fall where they might. She smoked long before I even thought about smoking, and overall seemed more mature than I would ever be. Still there was a part of Agnes that was pure little girl. She always had a crush on one boy or another and constantly got her heart broken. Since I early on started dating Elaine, the cheerleader, I couldn't really share her grief.

By the time I left for college Agnes had moved away to Mississippi. She and her mother lived there for three or four years and then returned. I didn't see much of Agnes since they no longer lived in my neighborhood but I did know she had contacts and had lost some weight. A year or so later I heard she had gotten married to a really nice man who thought she was the most beautiful person in the world.

Over the years I have often thought about Agnes. During those troubled teenage years she was a rock for me to hold on to. She was never too busy to hear my problems, and she always told me I could be anything I wanted to be. She had more confidence in me than I did.

The last time I saw her I was having a book signing at my cousin's dress shop. Agnes came in and surprised me. It was wonderful to see her. She had her glasses on again and she had gained back some of her weight but who cared. She looked happy. She told me all about her husband and her daughter and how great her life had turned out. We promised each other that we would get together soon and talk about old times.

Soon never came, and now it never will. Still I draw comfort from the fact that we did have that one "reunion" and that she was so happy with her life when we did meet. There is a cloud over my heart now but it is because I will never have a chance to sit and talk with her again. But there is also a rainbow there because of the joy with which she lived her life.

 

 

 

 

 

©2005 Jackie K. Cooper

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