"Wedding Etiquette"

There probably is a book on wedding etiquette and I should read it. I guess I haven't because I don't think there are any hard and fast rules about things any more. Well not about social things. Still I do find myself running into situations where I am flying by the seat of my pants.

For example the wedding invitations for my son's wedding. The church where he and his bride will be wed is small, and it is in Durham which is seven hours or more by car from Perry where I live. I trimmed the list of who my wife and I listed as "invitees" to a very small number. That doesn't mean we don't have a lot of friends; it means I didn't want to invite anyone who might look at the invitation and say, "Why did we get invited to JJ Cooper's wedding? They must just want a gift!"

That is one of my worst nightmares. I didn't want anyone to feel obligated to send a gift, Zip, zero, no one, nobody. When I was working (before I retired to write books, etc.) I hated it when I would have to pass around an envelope for someone who was leaving the work force. I heard all the gripes and complaints. Therefore when I decided to leave the workforce I did it suddenly and with no fanfare. There was no going away party, no celebration, and no gifts.

So anyway we sent a very limited number of invitations out to our friends. But then I began to get feedback from a few people asking if so and so was invited. When I answered yes, then I was told they had not received their invitation. Somehow the post office had not delivered it. 

What is the proper etiquette here? Do you call them up and tell them they were invited? Do you give them an oral invitation over the phone? Do you pretend you didn't know and just let it pass? Or do you send them another invitation? I really don't know the answer to the question, but we sent out second invitations to those we heard did not get the first.

Then there is the rehearsal dinner. Who gets invited to that besides the wedding party? Does the family get invited, or just those of the family who are in the wedding? Do all out of town guests get invited or just those out of town guests you are really close to? How do you limit it, and how far do you break it open?

This wedding thing is a mixed blessing. It is a time for great happiness but you also worry about doing the right thing in all circumstances. When our youngest son Sean got married, he wed a Perry girl in Perry. That eased a lot of the complications, but that is not the case with son number two. We have to plan things from long distance and we have to plan things to take place at a long distance away.

I don't have wedding bell blues; I just have wedding day concerns. Still these small problems can't dim the joy I am feeling. It will all work out and this day will be just as much fun as Sean's was. Weddings are blessed events and I am ready for this one. Bring it on!

 

 

 

 

 

©2005 Jackie K. Cooper

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