"If Tomorrow Never Comes"

A few days ago I was coming downstairs in our house and tripped. I grabbed for the railing and held on for dear life. Luckily I suffered only embarrassment and not something worse. But the thought did cross my mind that I could have broken my neck. Household accidents like that do happen.

Since then it has weighed heavily on me that we don't know when an accident or illness is going to take us out of this life. I have a friend whose mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died a week and a half later. It was that quick. And with an accident it can be instantaneous. I wonder how close we come to death throughout our lives and never know it.

Then I wondered what I would do if I thought this was my last day. Would I take off for Paris - not very likely. Would I make a list of all my enemies and tell them I forgave them - I don't really have enemies though there are some people who just don't like me. Would I look up the people I have hurt and ask them to forgive me - this I would do. And I would probably start smoking again. I mean if I am going to die tomorrow, what the heck.

For the most part though I would just live my life as it is. I have never been one who wanted to see the Seven Wonders of the World. I would just surround myself with my family and my closest friends and go about the routine of my life. I have always been a routine person and that is how I would want to end it - just doing the same old same old.

My mother knew when she was diagnosed with cancer that her life was gong to be cut short. She was in her thirties and had a husband and two sons. She told me she hoped she could just live to see her grandchildren. Later she revised that to say she just hoped she could see me and my brother both happily married. Later she said she hoped she could see us both graduate from college. Her last revision said she hoped she would get to see us both graduate from high school.

When my brother graduated from high school she was too sick to attend the ceremony, and when I graduated from high school she had been dead for two years. I think she died with regrets over what she was gong to miss.

I remember telling my father he had to stay alive to see both of my boys graduate from college. Then when Sean said he was getting married in four years I told Daddy he had to be alive to come to the wedding. I never told him he had to stay alive until JJ married. If I had maybe he would be alive today.

The point is that maybe all of us need to live like we are dying, because we all are one day closer to the grave with each day that passes. Now that is morbid and I don't mean to be that way. Maybe instead I should say that each day is one more gift from God and we should live it to the fullest.

My brother told me the other day that every morning when he wakes up he thanks God for another day. He isn't that old but he is old enough to appreciate the fragility of life. And so am I. Tripping on those stairs could have been it for me.

I still plan ahead for things, but I make sure I enjoy the day to day living too. If tomorrow never comes, you can be assured I went out as a happy man.

 

 

 

 

 

©2005 Jackie K. Cooper

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