"The Complexities of Families"

It amazes me that the people we are supposed to be the closest to are sometimes the ones it is hardest to get along with in our lives. In my family it was just me and my brother, no other siblings. Over the years we have gotten along, and we have not gotten along. Thankfully we are now going through a "getting along" period. Will it last forever? Who knows.

My father was one of the sweetest men on earth but he was better at showing that face to the world than to his own family. As a father he was detached and in some ways remote. He thought his sole duty as a father was to be a good provider. So he worked long hours to accomplish that goal. 

I don't think he ever sat down and just had a personal talk with my brother or me. I had conversations with him but they were all superficial. The one time I remember going to him with a problem was after my mother died. Something had happened at school to upset me. When I started telling him about it he interrupted me and said for me not to tell him something like that as it would give him a headache.

After that I never, ever talked with him about anything that was bothering me. We kept it light and that was how we got along. Still I think we missed out on a lot because we never did try to communicate in a real way.

Communication is the key. I am a firm believer in that idea. And I don't mean just communicating the good things. You have to have the guts and the gumption to tackle the bad too. Sometimes this results in hard feelings but it is necessary in order to have an adult communicative relationship.

All of our married life my wife and I have had to periodically sit down and clean the air between us. Things build up and when you don't address them they get bigger and bigger and bigger. The same thing is true with my kids. They are adults now and I have the right, as do they, to tell them what they do that bothers me. Hopefully I do it in a way that still lets them know I love and respect them, but still I get to say my say.

After she married, my mother lived in the same town as her sister. They fought like cats and dogs. I don't mean physically; I man verbally. When my mother didn't like something that my Aunt Myrtle Fowler had done or said, she let her know it. And vice versa. I never knew if we were on good terms with the Fowlers or not. It was hard to tell because the two sisters argued often. Still they kept the air clean between them and they were honest with each other.

They say blood is thicker than water and I think that is true. Your family is your family - forever. They are the people to whom you are the closest and the ones you love the most. But sometimes relationships can be toxic and those you have to sever. That should however only occur in extreme cases. In most other cases a little truth and compassion can go a long, long way.

Just like truth in advertising, I believe in truth in family relationships. It is not the easiest road to take but it will lead to the most success.

 

 

 

 

 

©2005 Jackie K. Cooper

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