"Planning Ahead"

Last week I was in Atlanta and met a friend of mine for lunch. It had been some time since I had seen him so we had a lot of catching up to do. One thing he announced was he is getting married. Now that is news since I didn't really think he ever would find someone that suited him.

As we talked about his fiancée, he made the comment she is Catholic. Now I am not anti-Catholic in any way, but that did raise a red flag in my head. This guy is a dyed in the wool Baptist, always has been, always will be. Still I did ask him if he was going to convert.

"No way," he answered.

"What about her?" I questioned.

"No way," he repeated again. "I guess we'll just each go to our own church."

Well that is fine for them but I had to ask what they would do when they had children. His response was they would cross that bridge when they got to it. I guess my reaction to that statement was written all over my face because he immediately became defensive, and left soon after.

I do think that is crazy. I know you don't have to make every decision you might face in marriage in advance, but what religion your children are going to be raised seems to be one of those "let's decide it here and now" things.

My wife and I are both Methodists so that wasn't an issue for us, but for many others it is. For example, my youngest son's godparents do not attend the same church. She is Baptist and he is Catholic. They decided early on their children would be raised Catholic. They have two sons and I remember hearing the wife say many times over that if their sons grew up to be men as good as their father she would be perfectly happy.

I do remember wondering what they would have done if they hadn't reached an agreement on which church the boys would attend. Would they have split their sons up, with one son being Baptist and one being Catholic? Or, more importantly, would they have split up?

I have another set of friends that have this religion issue. He is Baptist and she is Islamic. I kid you not, that is the case. For whatever reason they didn't get the religion issue settled in advance. They had two ceremonies when they married so that kept it not being an issue then. Now they have a two-year-old son and they haven't reached an agreement yet as to what religion the child will be. So the child sits in limbo not going to any type of religious service.

There are some people who do not consider religion important so they will never have these issues. However, for those who do consider religion important the decision as to which religion will prevail is a big thing. So big that it should be decided in advance of marriage.

Marriage is a work in progress at all times, so ironing out possible wrinkles in advance is a good and smart move. Don't ask for trouble by putting off till tomorrow issues that should be decided today.

 

 

 

 

 

©2005 Jackie K. Cooper

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