"You Gotta, Gotta Have Friends"

Friends are very important to me, always have been and always will be. But lately I feel I give my friends the short end of the stick. This is mostly because of time. There are just not enough hours in the day to communicate and spend time with them like I want to do. By the time I spend time with my wife, check on my children and grandchildren, and keep my career afloat there is just very little time left over for my friends.

Before I got married my life was nothing but friends. I was constantly with them, constantly talking to them. I helped solve their problems and they helped solve mine. Then I got married and my friendships changed. I just didn't have the time or the inclination to spend as much time with them. Some of my friends understood and accepted the changed relationship; others didn't and the friendships ended.

In my pre-marriage days I was a "fixer." I was the person you came to with your problems and I would work to solve them. If you were having problems with your job I was always there to make a suggestion. If you were having trouble in your relationships I could offer advice. People came in and out of my apartment constantly and my phone was always ringing. I loved it. I was the fix it man.

After I got married the phone continued to ring and people continued to drop by, until my wife told me to fix it. That meant I had to tell people I was not available like I had been. I hated doing it. It was like pulling teeth and it hurt. It hurt me and it hurt them.

After awhile I found you could have friendships that were not totally consuming. My wife and I made friends with other couples, and I still managed to have some single friends. These relationships have enriched my life and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

But life is complicated and time goes by faster and faster. As you get older you spend more time worrying about your parents, making sure your kids are okay, and having cherished time with your grandkids. One of my sons lives an hour and a half away and my wife and I can get in the car and go to see him and his family whenever we want. My other son and his wife live in Durham. That is seven and a half hours away. That is quite a trip.

Would I like to see them often, sure I would. But it seems like blocking out that much time for a visit gets harder and harder to do. I am doing a lot of speaking to groups and I hate to say no. I enjoy doing this. Plus there is my commitment to be on television and the radio once a week. I also write entertainment reviews for several newspapers. That takes up a lot of my time.

So where does that leave my friends? Well some of them I see at church, some of them I have lunch with every once in a while, but none of them do I see as often as I like. There are some good people in this world and my friends fall into that group.

I figure this lack of time is going to be a problem until the day I die. It is not a bad problem to have but it is a worrisome one. I want to be a good friend. I hope my friends except the quality of the time I give them if not the quantity.
 

 

 

 

 

©2007 Jackie K. Cooper

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