"Growing Older"

Last week I had lunch with a friend of mine who is a psychiatrist. We were discussing various things and he made the point that whatever character traits we have in our youth become more pronounced as we grow older. At first I just let this slide off me like much he has to say, but later I began to consider it and discovered it to be quite profound.

We do take those predominant character traits we possess into old age with us. My father was a perfect example. He always acted the part of the simplest of men. Whether he was really that un-complex I don't know, but he played the role of "simple" man to the fullest.

By doing this he kept himself from having to get involved in the complexities of everyday life. He left all that to other people to sort out. It drove my mother crazy when she was alive. She was constantly on him to take more of a role in the everyday decisions of life. But he preferred to be a quiet, simple man who was above all the worries of the normal world.

When my stepmother entered the picture, she took to this role of caretaker with pleasure. She appreciated my father's sweetness and didn't mind if he didn't want to mess with the more mundane things of life. She handled their finances and she handled him. He, in turn, turned himself completely over to her care and guidance.

As the years progressed he became more and more just a blob of goodness. He was always cheerful, always sweet and loving, always in a good mood. But why shouldn't he be! He didn't have to mess with the mess of life. Others did that for him.

Another example of being more of what we are as we get older is my Aunt Ruth. Aunt Ruth has always been a little self-centered. Okay, the world revolves around my Aunt Ruth in her eyes. Any conversation you have with her, or any contact you have with her, always comes back to how it affected her, or what is in it for her.

As she has gotten older this "me" attitude has become more and more pronounced. An example was her recent birthday. She turned seventy-six and for someone that age she is in great health. Still when I called to wish her well, she stated, "I think I must be going to die before my next birthday since everybody has been so good to me this year. I have never gotten so many cards, flowers and gifts. I guess folks know something I don't so they are doing these things for me before I die."

Now this is a comment from a woman who never sends out a card, flower or gift on anyone's birthday. And it isn't as if she can't afford it. She is loaded. But it is all about her. Her motto is "Don't do unto others, just let them do unto you."

Yes, I think my psychiatrist friend hit the nail on the head. We do become more of what we are as we get older. And the message in that germ of thought is this. We need to work on our good traits so that we will have more of them as we reach our golden age. In that way we will keep people wanting to be around us and truly celebrating each year that we are still around.

 

 

 

 

 

©2004 Jackie K. Cooper

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